Mall Days
by Kiara212
Summary: A series of one shots of when the Cullens and Jacob go to the mall! Havoc will ensue of course, and the Cullens will soon find out that there is a lot you can do at a mall! Give it a shot, you'll love it! I don't own Twilight.
1. The Perfect Scene

The Perfect Scene

Bella sighed as she entered the mall. The whole Cullen family were there, with Jacob tagging along at the back. They were all going Christmas shopping, and everyone was abuzz with excitement as they looked at the shops and started getting out their credit cards. Christmas was everyone's favourite time, except for Bella. Even as a vampire, she still didn't like the idea of people giving her presents. She felt someone tugging on her hand and looked down to see Nessie pointing at a store, Jacob just trying to stop her simply running in to it. Bella gave Jacob an appreciative smile, she was glad he was here, even if he was going to spoil Renesmee rotten. Well, they all were, she could see each member of her family looking at her with the same adoration that she was currently appraising her with now. Everyone loved to see Renesmee happy. It was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time, dazzling, astonishing, and glorious. They ventured further into the mall until they stopped at an information point. Carlisle shushed them until he had their full attention. It took a few minutes.

"Okay, everyone. Instead of going around in one huge group why don't we split up? Me and Esme can go together, Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, Bella and Edward and Jacob and Renesmee. We meet back here in two hours." The rest of the group nodded and started getting into their pairs. By the time Carlisle had finished speaking they were all ready to go. They said their goodbyes and went off in different directions.

Exactly two hours later, nearly all of them were waiting at the information point. Only Jacob and Renesmee were missing. They waited for five minutes, their arms clad in bags, before they got impatient.

"Where's Nessie?" Edward said to no-one in particular. They all shrugged or shook their heads.

"And Jacob?" Bella added tensely. Rosalie snorted.

"Like we care" Bella glared at her, and Edward warned her carefully.

"Rose..." Bella heard the reluctance in his voice and sighed. What had Jacob done now?

"Wait. Do you hear that?" Alice interrupted, her eyes squinting in concentration. The others were silent as they listened to. It sounded like...shouting. And it was coming from an all too familiar voice.

"What has Jacob done now?" Bella said, verbalising her previous thought. She looked at her family for a few seconds before they all started running towards the noise, their bags banging against their bodies. They banged into a few humans on the way, on purpose, just to keep up the facade. They had enough time to spare that they didn't have to completely drop the act. They all ran at a human pace, in no hurry to face and solve the trouble Jacob had managed to get himself into. They rounded the corner and saw Jacob's irritated face, his voice loud as he shouted at the face in front of him. Judging by the uniform, he was a mall security guard. There was a small crowd watching the debate, and standing a few steps away from the crowd and nearer to Jacob was Nessie, her face contorted into worry and guilt. They were close enough that they could hear what Jacob was shouting.

"I'm going to tell you this for the last time. I did _not _steal anything. The tag must have accidently fallen into my bag. Check my receipt!" Jacob pulled a piece of paper from the bag and waved it in front of the security guard's face. He did not look amused. The Cullen's pieced the information together quickly. Renesmee must have slipped the tag in Jacob's bag for a joke, which was why she looked so guilty. But she couldn't tell anyone this, she shouldn't be able to speak perfect sentences for her age. Jacob knowing this had fabricated the excuse, but it seemed the security guard didn't believe him. None of them were surprised. Bella remembered a foggy human memory of Jacob coming to her school, and the students' reactions to him. He screamed dangerous. Anyone could see that. And his outraged screeching just made his excuse seem less true. Bella sighed, something like this could only happen to Jacob. They all looked at each other before they approached the argument. Together they went to get Jacob and Renesmee out of this mess.

"Excuse me" Carlisle interrupted Jacob mid screech and his face visibly relaxed when he saw Carlisle's calm approach. The security guard looked momentarily dazed, then composed himself, less hostile now he was staring at Carlisle's face.

"There seems to have been some misunderstanding" Carlisle's voice dripped with authority, but surprisingly the security guard didn't sway.

"No, there isn't. This...man attempted to steal something from the store." The security guard didn't think someone as garish as Jacob should be classified as a man. He wasn't far off. When Jacob started screeching again Carlisle cut him off with a look. The rest of the Cullens waited behind Carlisle, ready intervene at any moment.

"Why don't we go to a private room where we can discuss this properly-" the security guard hastily cut Carlisle off, a feat that seemed quite brave for the human.

"I'd rather discuss it here" _where there are witnesses _Bella silently added in her mind. From the look on her family's faces, she could tell they were thinking the same. Emmett, impatient with the situation stepped forward.

"Look he said he didn't do anything, so why don't you just check his receipt so we can go" Emmett's expression tipped the security guard off.

"Excuse me?" He retorted disgustedly. Even the human audience could see his patience was wearing thin.

"Renesmee, come over here" Alice chimed in, seeing Nessie's discomfort. She stepped forward, the gratitude clear on her face.

"Just wait one minute-" Rosalie hissed low enough that only the Cullen's and Jacob could possibly hear, and stepped forward.

"No, we will not _wait one minute_. What is your problem?" She stepped to Emmett's side, and the pair looked aggressive next to Carlisle's calm expression. The security guard got defensive.

"My problem is that I am trying to stop someone committing a crime, and you two are getting in my-" Jasper came forward now, and Alice danced around to whisper in Bella's ear.

"Get ready to run" she went back to Jasper's side, and she looked at her confused. Run?

"Look, just calm down" Bella felt a calming atmosphere sweeping the space, but it was too late. The security guard had gotten out his walkie talkie and was asking for back up. Emmett took a step forward – it was the wrong thing to do. The security guard let out a huff of anger and stepped next to him. The audience took in a breath as they saw the comparison between Emmett and him. Suddenly there was shouting behind them. The other security guards were running full speed toward them.

"Everybody run!" Alice shouted. Bella was already running, as soon as the words were out of Alice's mouth. She heard Esme whisper 'run!' to Jacob. He was temporarily frozen, before he reacted to Esme's words and ran slightly faster than normal human pace with the Cullens. Out of the corner of her eye Bella could see Renesmee perched on Edward's back, and felt a wave of relief at seeing her safe on her father's back. She heard their pursuer's slowly losing pace behind them, and sped up, the rest of the family following her lead. They rounded the corner and Bella heard Edward whisper to Alice.

"Where now?" Alice smiled and took the lead, turning her head back around to Edward to wink and whisper back.

"I've got an idea" Alice turned around the next corner and set her eyes on something straight in front of her. The hallway was mostly empty, and when Alice went under warning tape she could see why. Spread out in front of them was a huge Christmas scene, complete with life-size human mannequins of everyone at the Christmas scene. Bella smiled as she realised Alice's idea. She ranged her hearing out and could still hear the sounds of an exhausted but ongoing pursuit a way behind them. They had just enough time to make the switch. Alice got to the scene first and threw the mannequin behind the makeshift wooden barn. She took on the exact pose of the mannequin before her and stood still. Bella copied her idea and took the place of Mary, throwing the mannequin where Alice had. Edward and Renesmee where next to her instantly. Nessie replaced the baby in the manger and Edward took on the role of Joseph. They stood frozen while the others copied. Finally the scene was complete. A few seconds after this, the security guards rounded the corner and jogged up to the warning tape. They climbed over it and surveyed the scene. There before them stood the perfect Christmas scene. There were the parents and the child, on the left side of them three males, each one of them beautiful, and struck in different poses. The tall light blond haired male stood watching lovingly, the brown haired male next to him looked inquisitive and the older blonde male looked very wise and knowing. On the right hand side were three females, struck in adoring poses, their heads tilted towards the manager. All of the mannequins looked very beautiful. On the floor near the women was a type of animal, a horse presumably, lying down with its face turned away from the scene and into the barn. The perfect scene. The security guards marvelled at the beautiful pale white mannequin's, a strange serenity clear on all their faces. They were just turning away when the first security guard rounded the corner and caught up to them.

"They got away. You don't need to go down there, it's just the Christmas scene." The security guard huffed in frustration.

"They really have outdone themselves this year. That horse looked almost lifelike. And those poses, that brown haired male especially, were incredible." Bella heard their voices fade away as they rounded the corner. She looked over in Emmett's direction and fought the urge to burst into laughter. Emmett's hand was locked around his jaw, his features looking 'deep in thought'. He looked smart and wise, which was such a contradiction from the Emmett she knew that it was laughable. She wondered how the security guards had managed not to laugh at him, but they wouldn't have gotten the joke. Finally everyone unfroze and looked around, like the figurines were coming to life. Jacob quickly strode behind the barn and phased, putting his clothes on before rejoining the group.

"Great idea, Alice!" Emmett clapped his large hand onto Alice's tiny shoulder, and any human would have wondered how she didn't crumble under the force. But she simply stayed in her position and grinned.

"Of course we wouldn't have needed to have done that if Jacob hadn't-" Rosalie sneered at Jacob. Renesmee jumped out of the manger and guilt washed over her features.

"Don't blame him Rosalie." Her trilling voice echoed slightly off the white marble like walls. "It was my fault, I thought it would be funny to get Jacob in trouble. I didn't know..." Nessie looked down and everyone gathered around her, comforting her.

"No-one blames you Renesmee" Rosalie shot an angry glare at Jacob when she couldn't see, and Jacob rolled his eyes. Some things never change.

"Let's get out of here, before they bring everyone to look at the amazing Christmas scene" Edward said sarcastically, and everyone nodded in agreement. They took the back doors out until they got to the street. They started walking towards the car park.

"Emmett you have to let me take a picture of that expression, its gold!" Jacob laughing, ignoring Rosalie on the other side of him completely.

"Well..." Emmett said faking modesty. They all laughed.

"You would have thought I'd have seen that happening" Alice laughed.

"Well, it was Nessie's decision, so it was a surprise for all of us" Carlisle reasoned. Renesmee blushed, a habit she had inherited from Bella, and looked downwards.

"Do you think they'll let us in there again?" Jasper asked to the group.

"Not if we're with Jacob!" Bella laughed, and Jacob mock punched her on the shoulder. Jacob laughed, but cut off suddenly and sadness sunk in as he had a realisation.

"I forgot my bags!" Jacob sighed as he looked at his empty hands. "I'll be right back!" Jacob ran off into the doors. Alice grinned wickedly and they all stared at the doors, waiting for something to happen. It didn't take long. They heard Jacob's cries as he ran out of the doors, a panicked expression set on his face. He looked behind him as the doors opened once more, and the original security guard ran out chasing him, looking very angry indeed. They all laughed loudly as Jacob ran past him, the security guard following seconds after. They watched the chase as they walked to their cars, none of them getting in, just watching Jacob getting chased around the car park. It was very amusing.

"We might need to visit a new mall" Esme murmured to herself.

"No way! I want to see what happens when we come back!" Emmett cried in enthusiasm. The idea didn't seem too bad. They watched as the security guard stopped for a breath, and Jacob flat out sprinted towards the cars. Edward pushed the alarm so Edward could jump into the Volvo, his seatbelt on in seconds and his chest rising and falling heavily against it.

"Drive!" He shouted through the window. Edward opened the door, but paused before getting in. A grin swept over his features.

"Same next week?" He asked. They all laughed and nodded in agreement. Bella watched Jacob's panicked expression as he saw the security guard start to run again. She grinned widely. Maybe the mall wasn't so bad after all.


	2. Gorilla Meets World

Gorilla Meets World

**AN – What happens when Emmett decides to go to the mall dressed as a gorilla? Havoc of course! The first in a new series of small mall stories! This story is in Emmett's POV obviously. Enjoy! Oh and this is before Twilight and they aren't in Forks yet. **

I was raiding the house, looking for something to do – eternity could be so _boring_! – and I ended up looking in the back cupboard. There was lots of junk in the back cupboard, not even Alice dared to look in there, but I found myself rummaging in there, looking for something to entertain me. Then I came across something worthy of a chortling, echoing laugh. My old Halloween costume! I once convinced Alice we should have a Halloween party, and stupidly she let me choose the costume. I can remember finding it, just hanging there in the store window, just waiting for me to come along and wear it. Apart from the party didn't go so well. I hid in the forest and as people were coming up to the drive I jumped out and scared them. What no one decided to tell me however was that the oldest man in town was coming by, and I jumped out and gave him a heart attack. Carlisle literally had to call the ambulance and resuscitate him himself. But in the end he was still on life support, and everyone just happened to decide it was _my_ fault (it was _their_ fault for not telling me! That's why we have someone who can see the future in this family, to make sure this _doesn't_ happen!) and we had to move. Rosa wasn't happy about it, she broke my Xbox and all my games! Then I told her that what she had just done was unnecessarily harsh – mistake! – and she destroyed all my other games. Then Jasper and Edward weren't happy with me either because we used to play those games all day. So guess who had to buy them all? Me. Life isn't fair. That's what I announced in a family meeting just after we had finished packing. I could've taken a picture of their reactions then. Carlisle held his head in his hands, Rosalie, Esme and Alice glared at me for several hours (I forgot about their pasts, human's can make mistakes but apparently vampires can't – how humanist) then Edward and Jasper shoved me out the door and beat me up. Well they tried. No one can defeat the mighty Emmett! Because I'm the best. But I'm getting off subject. Basically, I found the gorilla costume and grabbed it, putting it on immediately in mine and Rose's room. Luckily the girls were out at the mall and Carlisle, Edward and Jasper had gone hunting. It was just me in the house. Suddenly, thinking about the girls, I had a stroke of genius. Why didn't I go to the mall as a gorilla. It was brilliant! Humans love a good joke! And their faces... That solves it, I was going to the mall. I jumped out the door (literally, I will have to fix it later, and face the wrath of Esme) and got in my Jeep. At least it is quite big, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to fit in it. I would have had no chance in Alice's Porsche or Rosalie's M3. I was just about to set off, when I had another stroke of genius (I was on a roll today!). I ran out of the Jeep and went to Edward's room, rushing around and chucking everything in the wardrobe to the floor – another thing I need to do later, pick everything up, or face the wrath of Edward! – until I found his video camera. I took it out of the protective casing and read a sticker inside:

PROPERTY OF EDWARD. NO ONE IS TO USE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION (THAT MEANS _YOU_ EMMETT!)

But that wouldn't do. So what I read was this:

PROPERTY OF EDWARD. ANYONE CAN USE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION (THAT MEANS _YOU_ EMMETT, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!)

Edward was such a softie, I was pretty sure he was gay. Declaring his love to me on stickers? He has issues. Even though I knew this wasn't actually the case I decided to play along. Hell, maybe he was even listening. _I love you too Edward! _Let's hope he doesn't tell Rosalie about that, she would kill me... or worse, break my games again. I've still not fully forgiven her for that but, Rose has a way of being persuasive... By now I was at the Jeep again, and grabbing my new camera in my gorilla suit clad hands, I managed to hide it in a huge jacket I was always kept in the back, it would make the gorilla thing much more funny if I was wearing a jacket too. Plus I wanted to watch people's reactions later. And with that, I was off to the mall!

I had already gotten a few funny looks driving up here. While I was waiting at the traffic lights with the windows down, the person next to me also put his windows down and asked me where I was coming from. I told him the zoo and he laughed. I threw a banana I had found in the back seat (I have no idea where that came from) and it dented his Porsche. Then he cried. But no sooner had he started sobbing and saying something about how his wife was going to kill him, I had sped off, excited to spread more pandemonium (reading Edward's dictionaries is always fun) in the human world. Getting out of my vehicle, I started walking casually towards the mall. I was getting people staring after me, oh yes! When I finally entered the mall, it felt like the whole mall stopped and stared. It was quiet, so quiet, as if everyone just stopped talking to look. Damn, I wish I had a trilby! That would have been so cool, I could have tipped my hat to them! Oh, remembering one of my better ideas – the camera – I clicked record and hid it in my pocket, but where it would still be able to see everyone's reactions. This was priceless. Now, to make it even better. For everyone who stared, I would say morning to them. They would look bewildered and then quickly move on, looking behind them at me constantly. I would meet there stares sometimes, then they would practically run to the nearest elevator. I was half way through my 'tour' of the mall (I hadn't gone into any stores yet, I would save that for my way back) when I said morning to this guy. Unexpectedly, he walked straight up to me, and corrected me, saying it was actually morning. I could guess this guy was quite arrogant, he was wearing what I figured to be an Armani suit (too many years being dragged shopping with Alice), was wearing posh glasses and a smug mood radiating off him, and you didn't need to be Jasper to know it. I decided to give this guy a fright, so I walked straight up to him, closing the cautious gap between us, and said:

"Is it, really?" Heavy on the sarcasm. I assumed he would run off after this, but he stayed exactly where he was. A crowd was gathering around us, just waiting for an argument, I could see it in my peripheries. I locked eyes with the guy and he looked back, steely eyed, confident. He wasn't going anywhere. Perfect!

"Yes. If you look at a clock it is 1:20PM, so obviously afternoon" he smiled, even more smug now, and he looked down at his shiny quartz watch.

"I never said I was saying morning for this region did I? I could have been talking about China for all you know" he looked momentarily confused, then got over it, choosing the 'logical' route. I hate the logical route, it's boring. Exactly what I was trying to avoid.

"Yes, but if you haven't noticed, we are in _America_. People tend to use the right greeting for whatever country they are situated in" his jaw rose stubbornly, and the crowd was growing, getting pumped for a fight. Emmett was surprised security hadn't shown up yet. They will get here, eventually. They might even be watching!

"How unoriginal is that though? Why don't you try being unique for once, and not just act like everyone else" I could be stubborn too.

"What should we all dress up like apes and make a fool of ourselves in public?" He asked indignantly.

"Well obviously not, that would defeat the point of being original if we all did it. And I'm a gorilla actually, not an ape, read a book for once" I couldn't remember the last time I read a book, I preferred magazines, and even then I just flick through, but correcting a smart ass like him made me feel proud. A few people in the back cheered for me. That made me smile more.

"It's the same thing!" he cried disgustedly, a few other people cheering him on. It was a war now! A war for popularity!

"No, it's not. Haven't you ever seen the Discovery Channel. Maybe you should read a book, then get cable. Or if your too poor to do that, just go back to school" this guy obviously wasn't poor, his suit showed that, but I could tell he liked flashing his money. And calling him poor had got him angry. Brilliant!

"That's rich, coming from the 'person' who has practically stepped out of Tarzan" he snorted, and a few more people than before laughed too.

"Who the hell is Tarzan?" Emmett's hands rose and his palms turned up, completely confused as to who he was talking about.

"The ape man who wears a loin cloth" he snorted again, as if he was stupid for not knowing this. No one implied Emmett is stupid!

"You hang out with ape men who wear loin cloths? Dude, you need to get _out_" nearly everyone in the crowd was laughing now, while the man tried to stutter that he didn't hang around with ape men. It didn't matter, the damage was done.

"I bet this is the best thing that has happened to your social life in a while, so rather than being an excited rant in your diary back at home, I'm going to go. An ape's got better things to do!" I waved back to his astonished face and the crowd parted easily for me, cheering, and soon I had an entourage of people following me around the mall. I doubled back, collecting more people along the way – it was like a parade now! – and went to some shops. I didn't even have to pay, other people did for me! Humans were so generous. I got a trilby, a tie and a flag, which I waved up and down as leader of the line, and it really was a parade now! Leading everyone out into the street, we marched all the way down Main Street and people were practically begging for photos with me. I even got in the local news! I was so watching that later! But it was getting dark, and my family were probably pretty pissed with me back home, so after running away (at a little faster than human speed) from the mob I quickly ditched the ape costume in favour of what little clothing I had underneath, and darted all the way back home. I only slowed down when I got back to the house, where everyone was waiting for me. They looked angry.

"Hey guys!" I was still upbeat about everything that had happened today, it had been amazing!

"Emmett, what did you do?" Was Edward's snappy reply. My eyebrows creased in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Act innocent, they'll never suspect it was you...

"You insulted the mayor!" Rosalie shouted, throwing a pillow at him, hard. Though it didn't hurt, it was just a pillow, but Jasper looked pretty tense, and that was never good for 'emotional climate' as Edward always said.

"No I didn't!" I had insulted someone, but it wasn't the mayor!

"It was on the news!" Alice flicked on the TV and sure enough, there was the guy Emmett had argued with, giving an interview with a label under it that read : Mayor. Of course what Emmett read was: Asshole.

"Well they don't know it was me!" I need to defend myself. I'm not having Rose mad at me again.

"But they will. The only chance we have of espacing the embarrassment and possible consequences is if we move before this gets out" Carlisle said. The rest of them sighed unhappily. But wait! What about my fans! My parade! I couldn't leave them!

"No, there must be some other way-" Carlisle cut me off, which would have seemed rude if it wasn't _Carlisle_ speaking. He was never rude.

"No. Pack your stuff up and we will leave in the morning" they all started dispersing, throwing glares at Emmett. He moved back into the questioning position he was in earlier today, when he was trying to figure out who the hell Tarzan was. Maybe he should Google him...Maybe he had a Facebook! I can feel a friend request coming...From upstairs Edward snorted, but it wasn't a happy sound.

"Tarzan is a fictional character Emmett" he sighed. Life just wasn't fair. Suddenly a book ploughed into him from the stairs. He heard Edward's retreating voice.

"I heard that" he said before going back to his room. Where should they go then? Emmett, having nothing to do, and being bored _again_, looked over the map that Carlisle was scanning. He got a fork out the drawer in the kitchen which they never used and closed his eyes. He circled the fork around the map of America before stabbing somewhere. He opened his eyes, and he and Carlisle looked at the location.

"Forks?" Carlisle quickly leaped onto the computer and searched Forks into Google.

"Wettest place on the continental US..." Carlisle mumbled. I shoved my head up in the air. Yeah! Emmett rules!

"No, he doesn't" Edward answered drearily from upstairs.

"Shut up, Edward. Hey, everyone!" He looked to Carlisle for confirmation and he nodded. "The Cullen's are moving to Forks!"

**AN – So, that's the real reason the Cullen's came to Forks. So Edward owes Emmett. Majorly. The next one will be up soon! Oh and also sorry if the brackets and dashes were annoying sometimes, I just imagine that Emmett is the type of person who gets distracted – very easily. Review please, it would brighten my day!**


	3. Valentine's Day Riot

Valentine's Day Riot

**AN – Don't you think 'Valentine's Day Riot' would be an excellent name for a band? I searched it on YouTube but no luck. So seeing as Valentine's Day is soon, thought I would post this little treat. Oh, I in no way encourage violence and/or riots, and this takes place before Twilight.**

Edward sighed looking at the calendar. The one day of the year he hated the most. Valentine's day. It was a day made famous by Hallmark and was just an excuse to make single people feel crappy and couples feel special. It was barbaric really, isolating two different sets of people. Completely wrong. But oh, how he wished he could be a part of it. He didn't often feel bitter about love, he was happy with his choices and no one had really appealed to him over the years, this day just reinforced the message. He tried not to let the others know how he felt, Alice never said anything because Edward had enough information about her to condemn her for life, and Jasper felt his emotions but Edward tried to do him a favour every year to keep it quiet. He was still waiting for him to demand his costs for this year, and it should be sometime today. Someone was approaching him, and he moved away from the calendar to the other side of his room. There was a knock on his door, and then Jasper emerged, grinning.

"Hey, Edward, it's that time of the year again" he smiled. It was safe, most of the family was out hunting, the girls were out shopping, and they were there by themselves.

"Yes, it is. What do you want this year?" he sighed. Over the years they had gotten worse, more monotonous and were always boring. But it was a small price to pay for him keeping his secret.

"I've got a plan, sort of. Basically, I want to do something crazy at the mall. But I don't know what..." Jasper trailed off, looking into space and planning what he could do.

"You want to mess with the humans?" Edward's eyebrows rose. Usually this would be the sort of thing Emmett would suggest, and everyone would decline. They tended to keep to themselves. He wondered where Jasper had gotten this idea.

"Yeah. I mean, we always keep to the rules, are always safe. I figure, why not go a bit crazy? After all these years, I think the humans could use a good fright" Jasper grinned again, and he pictured one of his worse ideas. Edward didn't want anyone to get hurt, but on this manufactured, corporately depressing day, he wasn't in the mood for considering everyone's point of view. And this was sure to be a whole lot better than cleaning Jasper's room again at human speed. He didn't want to discover any more of Alice and Jasper's _possessions_ again. Once was enough.

"So, what did you have in mind?" Edward asked.

"Like you don't know" Jasper shrugged and turned to go out the bedroom. Edward followed, and soon they were in the garage.

"Well let's look at the options" Edward suggested.

"Okay. So today's Valentine's day, which means loads of couples will be at the mall. You probably want something in the form of revenge, and I want to see humans going crazy. How can we do that?" The idea seemed obvious to Edward.

"A riot." He answered simply.

"A riot..." Jasper mused over the idea.

"You could mess with people's emotions, and soon we will hit a loose nerve on some unsuspecting human, then soon everyone will go crazy" Edward shrugged. It's a shame Alice wasn't in on this plan, she could see what was going to happen. Suddenly he could feel his phone ringing in his pocket. He took it out and quickly scanned the caller.

"Hello, Alice"

"Edward, why do I see you and Jasper in the midst of a riot at the mall?" She asked, confused.

"Because you have just confirmed that our plan will work" Edward said, grinning at Jasper.

"Okay... but don't do anything stupid! And we're at the mall, so if anything really bad happens, we'll know" Alice warned, but there was a hint of fun in there.

"Yes, we will Alice" Edward sighed, she sounded just like Esme.

"Tell Jasper I love him!" Alice cried before Edward hung up the phone. Edward nodded to Jasper and they got in the Volvo, instantly pulling on black sunglasses from the glove compartment. They didn't need them, and the sun was barely shining, but it just made them looked cool. Jasper turned to Edward in a fashion that would make the Blues Brothers hearts break, and said:

"Let's roll"

They slammed the doors simultaneously then started walking brusquely towards the mall. They knew what they had to do, and nothing was going to stop them now. A few people looked, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. Soon they would all be watching the riot unfold. They waited until they were in the centre point of the mall, then sat down on a bench.

"Ready?" Edward asked Jasper, as he looked around at their targets.

"Yes." Jasper answered quickly. Edward nodded and closed his eyes, scanning people's minds for any sign that they would kick off if provoked. Soon enough he found someone, and opening his eyes it was obvious that this man would be the cause of the riot. He was huge and burly, covered with tattoos, piercings, and wore a menacing grimace on his face. He held his petite girlfriend's hands, and was looking quite shifty, as if he knew something was going to happen. Edward pointed to the man, and Jasper quickly focused all the hate, anger and violence he could manage on the single man. The result was instant. The man started squirming, looked around him with an enraged expression on his scrunched up face, and broke the contact with his girlfriend. As soon as the feelings took effect, Jasper moved onto the next target. They kept repeating the same thing until lots of people felt angry, and had no way to vent it. A couple of people on the sides were eyeing each other up, just waiting for a chance to do something.

"Now!" Edward whispered, and they both went to the nearest bins, wrenched them and threw them into the steadily growing crowd, and from their separate hiding places shouted together.

"FIGHT!" At first people were bewildered, but hearing the battle cry they dove into the crowd, pushing, shoving and generally shouting at each other. Most of the girls – if they hadn't abandoned their morals and started bickering already – were cheering on their boyfriends or shouting for them to stop. They all looked helpless, the couples parted, the single people were either joining in or watching it all unfold. Edward felt all of his pent up anger at the holiday go into the fight, and it escalated into a near riot. Security guards were trying to stop the scuffles going around, though these were only a few, Jasper hadn't made people angry enough to actually hurt anyone else, just angry enough so a huge uproar would go up and people would start a mass argument. It was working. There were shouts, screams, and arguments aplenty, these people's Valentine's Day was well and truly ruined.

"Jasper let's go!" Edward went up behind Jasper and whispered in his ear, and carefully they snuck out of the mall. They could still hear the arguments and craziness from outside. Laughing, they went up to the Volvo, just about to get in when they saw the girls heading towards them. Esme looked shocked.

"Did you two cause this?" She asked.

"Yes. It was only a little bit of fun, I tried to make sure no one would get hurt. Besides, the security guards haven't seen this much action in years!" Jasper laughed and Edward joined in, Rosalie was smirking at the building and Alice's face was blank, soon she came too and gave the boys a funny look.

"Carlisle's going to be _mad_" she elongated the last word for emphasise and once again Jasper and Edward looked at each other. They took their sunglasses off and together said:

"Worth it."


	4. Stop and Stare

Stop And Stare

**AN – It's been ages! Sorry! Got this idea off Just For Laughs :D**

Emmett's rowdy laugh came booming through the house and to the kitchen, where Alice and Edward had been going over recipes that he could try and coax Renesmee into eating. They were debating about whether or not to cook chocolate brownies when they both decided to shut Emmett up. Immediately.

"Emmett? What are you laughing at?" Alice asked, though she could have probably asked Edwrad, who was standing next to her, looking very irritated.

"Laughing's the wrong word. Howling would be a better description" Edward muttered under his breath, though with vampire's in the house everyone could hear him.

"I'm watching this show. It's...so...funny!" Emmett starting laughing again, if it wasn't impossible he would have tears running down his face.

"What's funny about it?" Edward asked, still annoyed at his brother's laughter.

"Well, these humans right, they're in a shop" Emmett balled up laughing again, and grabbed the remote. He rewinded it to the scene he was talking about, smartly deciding to show it rather than try and explain it.

Alice and Edward watched what happened. On the plasma screen they saw the people in on the prank wave to the camera, so the audience knew who they were, before an image of a shop appeared. The actors, as well as the targets, were in the shop and everything was going normally. But when the targets went to pay, everyone around them suddenly stopped moving. The targets looked confused whilst everything was still, then a few seconds later everything went back to normal, and the targets were very confused walking out the shop. Emmett was whimpering now, finally returning to normal after laughing. Alice was laughing a small, tinkling laugh and Edward was trying not to show amusement, but his upturned mouth betrayed him.

"That was pretty funny" Alice agreed, smiling. Suddenly Emmett's eyes became wide, and Alice's face went blank. Edward read Emmett's plan in his mind and when Alice returned to normal they said at the simultaneously;

"It'll work" Emmett was practically bouncing in his seat.

"We need to round up Jasper, Rosalie and Bella then we can go down to the mall and try it out!" Alice said, closing her eyes.

"Which store?" Edward asked, looking at her vision.

"Lots! We can see how many we can get before someone notices!" Emmett cried, jumping off the sofa.

"Rosalie will be ready in about an hour, and Jasper will be back from hunting with Bella, Carlisle and Esme in thirty minutes" Alice said.

"Oh! Do we really have to wait for an hour!" Emmett whined.

"Well, we could go in forty if someone convinces Rosalie to be ready sooner" Alice suggested. Of course Emmett leapt straight up, shouting down the corridor.

"I'm on it!"

"Wow, he never usually moves that fast!" Alice said to Edward.

"Unless Rosalie calls him from their love den" Edward replied. They both shivered and walked back into the kitchen.

"You're so lucky you moved out" Alice said wistfully.

"I know" Edward replied smugly, before they went back to the brownie debate.

Forty minutes later, after Emmett successfully convinced Rosalie to leave earlier, and letting Jasper Bella and Rosalie in on the plan they were heading down the mall in Edward's Volvo.

"Why couldn't we have taken the jeep?" Emmett said from the back seat.

"Or the M3?" Rosalie asked.

"Or my Porsche!" Alice said, not wanting to feel left out. They all starred at Bella, waiting. Finally she mumbled,

"Or the Ferrari" looking like she would have blushed if she could.

"Because Emmett was the one going on about 'getting in and out' like this was a secret mission, and your cars are all too ostentatious" Edward replied from the driver's seat.

"Oh, Edward can use big words" Emmett replied sarcastically from the back. Rosalie snorted, and Bella smiled slightly. Edward glared at Emmett from the rear-view mirror.

"You just like driving your own car" Alice said indignantly.

"Why does Bella get to sit in the front?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah!" Emmett backed up his wife.

"Because she's my wife and she get's car privileges" Bella smiled at Edward and he reached for her hand.

"That's ridiculous!" Rosalie cried, ruining the moment.

"Emmett, your squishing Alice!" Jasper, who had been quiet through the argument, suddenly spoke up.

"Overruled!" he cried, raising his hand in triumph even though there was barely enough room to move.

"Emmett, were not in a law court" Bella replied.

"Overruled!" He cried again, his chin raised in the air. Edward rolled his eyes and muttered something along the lines of 'children...car fights...'

"Well, we didn't ask to go in this car!" Jasper scoffed.

"I told you one of you needed to go in another car, but no one wanted to be alone so you all decided to fit six people into a five seater car!" Edward practically shouted from the front seat.

"I said I would go in my car" Bella said quietly from the front.

"Bella, you have car privileges, you were never expected to go alone" Edward said, the change in his tone drastic from his previous speech. Rosalie scoffed from the back. "It's like travellinjg with children!" Edward changed his tone again.

"Children! You're the youngest one here!" Emmett gestured with his hands again, Rosalie reached over and forced them down, he was taking up room in the car.

"I think you'll find Bella's the youngest one here Emmett" Jasper pointed out.

"Not physically" Rosalie said smugly. Emmett held his hand out for a high five. Rosalie, still smug, high fived him back.

"That's one for team Emmlie" Emmett said. They all turned around to face him, doubtful looks on their faces.

"It was either that or Rosemett" they all turned back around.

"I think we've established who would win on Are _You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old?_" Edward said, pulling into the mall parking lot. Bella snorted and Alice and Jasper smiled.

"Yeah, that ten year old would get owned!" Emmett laughed.

"No, sweetie" Rosalie patted him on the arm. He raised his eyebrows, and Rosalie shook her head.

"Come on children, let's go" Edward sighed pulling the key from the ignition and getting out. Bella went round and told him not to worry and calmed him down, whilst Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett shuffled out the car, bickering as they went.

"Come on, let's go freak out some humans!" Emmett said as they started walking towards the doors.

They had all agreed to hit the smaller shops, for maximum emphasise. Not many people would notice in a big store, they would know it was an act. But in a smaller store, if it was just them and a few customers...They all entered the shop in different numbers, in ones and twos so they didn't look like they were all together. They had agreed to wait for ten seconds before someone would say 'now!' to low for the humans to hear. The Cullens took their places in the store before waiting for the right moment. It was Rosalie who said it, she took a few side long glances then whispered to them, 'now!'.

Instantly they all froze. Bella and Edward, who had come in together and been talking froze in mid sentence, Bella's mouth frozen in mid air. If she could, her blush would have given them all away. The few customers that were in the store, and the person behind the till, all stopped what they were doing and stared at the frozen people. A person brave enough actually went up and poked Alice's arm, doing it repeatedly until Jasper send waves of panic over him and he stepped away. They all looked pretty bewildered, and weren't sure what to do with themselves. No one spoke, and it was eerily silent. Rosalie saw Emmett across the store about to start laughing so she said 'stop!' and everyone came back to life again. If it was possible, they looked even more bewildered now. The same man who had poked Alice said outloud;

"What just happened?" Innocently Alice replied.

"Excuse me?" Her wide eyes were the picture of innocence, the man couldn't doubt her, and if he tried to, Jasper would stop him.

"Why did everyone just stop?" The customers waited for her answer, hoping to find out what had just happened.

"Everyone stopped?" Alice looked confused, the others got back to what they were doing. Rosalie even went over to buy something.

"Yes, just now, you, and you, and them, just...stopped?" The man was starting to doubt himself, as now the other Cullens played the part and acted confused as he pointed to them.

"Are you okay, man?" Jasper chipped in.

"Uh, yeah..." the man staggered out the shop, throwing wondrous looks back to the shop before going out of eye sight. Eventually all the customers exited the shop until finally the Cullens went out, one by one, and exited the shop.

As soon as Emmett got out of the area he burst out laughing, causing quite a few people to stop and stare. After he stopped and they moved on, they hit more shops, getting the same reaction, which got funnier every time, before finally darting out the mall and heading home.

"That was fun!" Alice said in the car.

"Yeah, let's go back and do it again!" Emmett said, trying to grab the steering wheel. Jasper and Rosalie dragged him back.

"We may be practically indestructible but other humans are not, Emmett? Plus Edward won't want to get any tickets" Rosalie sneered at Edward.

"Let's just get home without the arguments, okay?" Edward asked. It was silent for about five seconds.

"So...same thing tomorrow?" Emmett asked. Edward sighed. What happened to when it used to be quiet in the car? He sighed again, took Bella's hand, and went to his happy place for the car journey. He went there a lot these days...

**AN – What did you think? Sorry about the long car conversation, I got a bit carried away. But I don't think it would ever be boring in the Volvo!**


	5. Escalator Escape

Elevator Escape

**BPOV –**

It had been a very long day of shopping that Alice had managed to drag us all out on – she had tempted Emmett and Jasper with a visit to Victoria's Secret, guilt tripped me with her doe eyes so of course Edward and Nessie came along, Rosalie and Esme volunteered to go anyway, and Carlisle felt left out so he joined too. Yes, the mighty power of Alice. How does she manage to do this to us! I sighed, just looking at her. It was typical Alice. I knew if I was human my feet would be aching so much. I was glad, as I usually was on days like these, that I wasn't human. Right now we were in the lift, finally about to go home and relax with our day's (or month in any normal person's standards) shopping. I allowed myself to breathe a sigh of relief at this, the thought of home, where me and Edward could hunt before tucking Nessie in and having the night to ourselves in our lovely cottage, home sweet home. I had closed my eyes whilst I sighed, so when I heard the massive clunking sound from above, my hand found its way to Renesmee body and they whipped open, ready to face whatever was wrong. From my peripheral vision I could see the rest of my family – I ignored the thrill that ran up my spine still at those words – glance up at the noise. There was a massive groaning sound, and my hold on Renesmee tightened, before my other hand went out to seek Edward's hand. I gripped it and he gripped back, his hold strong and unbreakable. Finally the groaning came to a stop, and the lift juddered slightly before coming to a stop.

"Well, that was...unexpected" Carlisle's authoritive voice broke the silence, though it was still thoroughly lanced with surprise.

"Yes. So, what can we do?" Esme asked, as everyone's gazes finally dropped back down from the lift ceiling.

"Claw the door open?" Emmett shrugged, like this was no big deal. Alice immediately began shaking her head.

"No good. People will see." Instead of a normal lift, we were in a glass lift, one when she was human she much preferred to the normal closed lifts. It meant if you were stuck, it would take a lot less time for someone to notice you and come help you, plus it wasn't so claustrophobic. Another secret reason was that she liked watching herself rise up from the shopping centre, but she usually stuck with the first two reason, to save embarrassment if explaining her reasoning to anyone.

"We're right above our floor as well!" Alice sighed, looking up again.

"So I guess that rules out climbing up the wires then?" Jasper asked, and after a brief pause Alice nodded.

"So we just sit here and wait then?" Rosalie asked, clearly not enjoying the idea. Alice had closed her eyes, but began speaking anyway.

"There's a man who is going to come...but he wants to finish his burger first. Then he has to call the engineer...we might be here a while" a sigh went out around the lift, and Emmett started shrink down on the floor, as if standing bothered him. Rosalie took one look at the dirty floor and Bella didn't have to be a mind reader to know she was never going to sit on _that_ floor. Or any floor probably, Rosalie didn't sit on floors for _anyone_. I on the other hand, was the sort of person to sit on floors, so followed Emmett's lead and pulled Nessie with me, so she was sitting on my lap. Edward joined me, and everyone else stayed up. It was rather disorientating, sitting down here whilst everyone else was so far up, she almost got up but Edward put a hand on her leg to stop her.

"Don't. Just stay here. Besides, it looks more human" he grinned one of those dazzling grins that she loved so much, and she stayed put, and started to play with her daughters hair.

"This is ridiculous. What if we go up one at a time and-" Rosalie scoffed. Though she didn't get a chance to finish, Alice had began shaking her head again.

"Someone will _see_. We can't risk it. What would you do if you saw someone climbing up an elevator shaft? Call for security? Film it? Get a crowd to watch? All those possibilities would mean disaster for us, we simply can't do it" Alice wasn't happy about this, but after a few seconds her frown changed into a bright smile.

"On the plus side, we can look at all the things we bought!" Another louder groan went through the lift, and I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. Typical Alice.

"So what would be do if the cable snapped, and we plummeted downwards?" Jasper asked, grinning. It wasn't exactly anything to laugh about, but I imagined that Jasper would enjoy the thrill of it. His favourite movies were always action films...

"It's not going to happen Jasper" Alice said, absentmindedly.

"How do you know? It's not as if it's the cable's choice to snap" Jasper reasoned. Alice nodded.

"True. So what would we do?" Alice asked, fumbling through the various shopping bags, which had been dropped when the lift ceiling started groaning. They had cluttered what little space there was in the lift, meaning it was even more claustrophobic than before. Not that it really mattered to anybody in the lift, but I could imagine it would be nightmarish for a human.

"Break the glass and jump out, obviously" Emmett snorted, from his seat on the floor. Rosalie looked down at him, the crinkle in her noise still showing her disgust at sitting on the floor.

"But we would have to be conspicuous about it, because it might be outside human capability" Carlisle pointed out.

"Well we couldn't just sit here, crash, then be fine as we walked out of the ruins, just because the humans would crash, it wouldn't be plausible" Rosalie countered.

"We could boost each other up to the ceiling hatch and crawl out, climbing up the wire until we get to the floor until we watch the escalator crash and burn then-" Jasper, having clearly thought over this plan, seemed to be getting more excited than was really necessary for the scenario.

"Okay, honey, you keep thinking about that" Alice patted Jasper's arm and Edward smiled. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Alice is rolling her eyes in her head" he chuckled lowly, and Bella smiled at Alice. She winked back, before rooting back through her bags.

"Hey, who bought this!" She cried, pulling out a pink perfume bottle. Instantly Emmett's face brightened before his features rearranged itself into fake disgust.

"Edward, Jasper and me told you to stop buying perfume! Paris Hilton's scent just doesn't suit you!" Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett started laughing, and everyone else cracked a smile.

"I'm sorry, it was free with those lacy pink bras you always buy" Edward replied offhandedly, keeping his gaze away from the other members of his family. He was probably trying to hide his embarrassment from everyone, but with a mind reader, a fortune teller and an empath in the family, there were no secrets. The rest of the family were still laughing at Edward's comment, I patted his shoulder to let him know I knew what he was thinking. He turned to me and gave me a dazzling smile, and my thoughts stopped for a few seconds. And it continued like this for a few hours, until everyone, even Rosalie – after she felt left out when she was the only one standing – was sitting on the dirty floor. It had been Emmett's idea to play Truth or Dare, and the Cullen 'children' were wondering if Carlisle and Esme had lost their minds after actually agreeing to it. It had been a lesson they had all learned years ago, according to Edward, never to let Emmett start up a game of Truth or Dare. But Carlisle and Esme encouraged them to play, so of course it all kicked off. Fifteen minutes later Carlisle ended the game after Rosalie and Alice had been dared to make out, Edward had to judge who was hotter Emmett or Jasper, and Esme was going to tell Jacob and Bella's whole history, and possible ruin Renesmee's view of Jacob forever that the game was stopped. Which made me, and several other people, breath with relief. A few seconds after this Alice started squealing in happiness.

"In two minutes we'll be free!" She started bouncing on the floor, and everyone started standing up, brushing themselves off, and collecting shopping bags.

"We could have been in trouble there" Edward smiled lightly at me, and I beamed back.

"Yeah, that's one experience I can learn from, never let Emmett start a game of truth or dare" Edward nodded and added his own.

"Don't encourage Jasper's mission impossible fantasies" Jasper shot a glare at Edward.

"Hey, I said you were hotter than Emmett!" He held his hands up, a picture of innocence.

"Yeah but if it was between Jasper and Carlisle you would choose him over Jasper any time" Emmett snorted, and Carlisle cocked his head listening to the conversation without getting involved.

"Well-" As wife, I thought it was best to save him from two angry brothers and just cut him off right there.

"No, Edward, it's not worth it" I smiled. Her nodded and moved himself away from Emmett and Jasper, and from the conversation. As I waited, I realised something. Nessie had been unusually quiet in all of this.

"Renesmee, what are you thinking about?" I crouched down to her level and looked her in the eyes, waiting for an answer. She nodded.

"Momma, what does the word 'gay' mean?" I almost choked on air. Emmett choked on his laughter, and a look silenced him.

"Um, where did you hear that word, sweetie?" I was trying my very best not to attack Emmett, the assumed source of this word.

"When Uncle Emmett was talking about Daddy and Grandpa, he whispered it under his breath" she said, chewing her lip.

Suddenly the lift started groaning again, forcing the conversation to stop momentarily before it finally dinged, three hours late, to their stop. The doors opened and everyone tumbled out of the lift, I made sure I breathed in the fresh air, as the air had gotten stale in the lift, before doing anything else. Then I reached down for Nessie's hand, and started a long conversation that I didn't want to have. As soon as we got back I was taking off into the forest with my husband and trying to stop myself from murdering Emmett and getting away from the family, for a long, long time. I think I deserved it. I know I was going to need it after the end of this conversation...


End file.
